Dance Monkey out, actual entertainment in: NRL makes spot on grand final call

The NRL will not have entertainment at this year's grand final.

Or, some music anyway.

Which was going to cost more than a million dollars to put on.

Just let that sink in for a moment. In a sport where funding to grassroots and in particular country areas just isn't anywhere near what it needs to be, seven figures were going to be sunk into a ten-minute performance.

The argument from host broadcaster Channel Nine, apparently, if you listen to the reporting out on Tuesday?

Casual viewers might tune in.

I have never, not once in my entire life, heard of anyone tuning into the NRL grand final because of the pre-game music act.

Maybe that's anecdotal from a very small section of the population, and maybe the big wigs at Channel Nine have evidence that suggests otherwise, but if that is really the argument, it should be a pretty easy one to smack down.

The argument itself is pretty comical when State of Origin pre-game entertainment often gets cut off or not shown by Nine as they focus on their other pre-game elements.

The entertainment on grand final day, like every other day of the NRL season, or any sport season for that matter, is the sport.

Not the music.

And sure, the AFL will try to claim it as some sort of win. That code, which Peter V'Landys oh so loves taking a shot at at every available opportunity, have booked in Kylie Minogue for their decider.

She will no doubt be good, but is that really what anyone is tuning in for?

In truth, the AFL have always had the wood over the NRL when it comes to pre-game entertainment. The Killers, KISS, Katy Perry, Robbie Williams, Eskimo Joe and Ed Sheeran stand out as global, big-name acts.

Of course, the Victorian headquarters would like you to forget about that horrific Meatloaf performance a number of years ago.

That's not to say the NRL haven't had their fair share of horror shows over the years, although all that does is probably prove the point - why take the risk on something no one cares about?

The NRL probably had its best effort in 2024 when The Kid LAROI. performed, but even then, do any of the acts seriously move the needle on the TV ratings for the game? Do any of them come as anything more than a passing "hey, that was pretty cool," from either the rusted on fan base, or the casual audience tuning in because, again, this is the grand final and not Round 1?

The sport needs to be able to talk for itself, and if the main selling point of grand final day - let's just be clear, one of the biggest days on the Australian sporting calendar - is an artist performing, then the sport as a whole has far bigger problems than anyone could ever have realised.

And if you still want to proceed with grand final entertainment, then anything other than a rock band is just not it.

You are about to watch 34 blokes try and run through a brick wall for 80 minutes. The pre-game does not need Tones and I belting out Dance Monkey.

I'm sure there would have been a small percentage of people who tune in for the performance, but unless you're going to set the tone with the right style of music, or have a proper once in a lifetime moment, there is simply no point.

Save the money, re-invest it, as the NRL has promised to do this year, and focus on the footy.

Maybe the NRLW decider is less spread out as a result. Just maybe we don't need a 90-minute gap between fulltime in the NRLW and the start of the men's decider.

Maybe the pre-game entertainment becomes the great sprint between the fastest player of every eliminated side proposal that seems to get rolled out about this time each year.

Or maybe we just don't need pre-game entertainment because the game is more than enough.

Whatever the case, the reaction on social media to the latest decision will tell you what you need to know.

No one was getting ready to spend their evening dancing to Dance Monkey.