Referee Ben Cummins has spoken about the dark places he went to after last year's six-to-go grand final controversy.

Cummins revealed that he received abuse in the aftermath of the game and hid away from society.

Speaking to The Sydney Morning Herald, Cummins opened up about his suicidal thoughts, saying he wasn't in a good place after the grand final.

“I’m not proud of it but I thought about it. I was in a dark place after the grand final. Being ashamed of your performance, there’s not a lot of people you want to talk to. If people could just realise what goes on inside your head when these things happen. Not just for myself but my family.” Cummins told The Sydney Morning Herald.

After consistent abuse from the public at the completion of the game which also led to the online leaking of Cummins' home address, NRL officials made a call to the police and his house was patrolled for a number of days.

“The local command got in contact and said they were monitoring the house,” he said.

“We were given a contact by the police we could call if someone was there.”

With the abuse too much to handle, Cummins decided to leave Australia and go to Papua New Guinea with his family.

“We stayed for a month,” he said.

“The locals are lovely people and they don’t judge you. We just visited those places we had been 20 years ago and trekked around in the bush and got away from everything.

“When I was in PNG, it wasn’t talked about. But now it keeps getting brought up. It’s like ripping the scab off a sore.”
Cummins revealed the events of the grand final also had a negative impact on his children.
“My young fella was copping a fair bit at school, so I had to pull him out,” he said.
“It still goes on. The school’s supportive but stuff gets through. Kids hear adults talk and they regurgitate it.”
Cummins added that his three daughters, aged 17, 19 and 20, were also targeted online.
“They don’t say much about it but they see the comments and it affects them,” he said.
“Sometimes they feel they should say something back. People don’t understand the harm that words can have on people."
If Cummins was to retire at seasons end, he would fall just short of the all-time games record, which is currently held by Bill Harrigan.
NRL chief executive Andrew Abdo would love to see Cummins back for another year.

“Ben’s resilience and mental strength is remarkable,” he said.

“After everything he has been through, you couldn’t blame him for walking away from the intensity of refereeing at the elite level of the game.

"We want to see Ben refereeing our big games because he remains one of our top and most experienced referees.”
Cummins said he will assess where he's at come seasons end.
“That’s something I’ve got to assess now,” he said.
“It’s a great sport that's great to be involved in — but it can be brutal.”